Dedication

I love the way you used to 
let me yell my songs 
up in my room for hours  
future pop star in the making 
swear it’s where 
I found my powers 

& I loved that jacket with the neon 
stars and skulls and bombs 
wore it every day 
‘til it turned brown—  
That it foretold the tattoos I grew, 
How you called me harlot

And I love that you yanked me 
up 
from that concert far away
and late at night 
—now I know you see it: 
I fucking love rock music

& for all those months and weeks and days 
spent all on my own at home,
I love why 
you kept me alive 
& now I'm never shy 
as I'm advised to go alone

So all the questions had to ask 
about 
What is life 
What is this fcking pain 
took me oh so far away 
Out there, I became 

Yes, I left 
I love that you 
left all those candies on the car
*the ones that we both love* 
—I found them in the
floors of 
pockets and drawers
for years
and in the tears I saw 
that you were there 
if even from afar  

And I love the way 
you’d sigh roll your eyes and say 
that you’re so deep and I’d think 
that meant you’d never understand 

So give it space
The Silence 
and allow it to find yours 
Within & know that where you think it ends 
Yes, the gaps between the letters 
All the better 
know you know
it only goes
infinitely deeper 

And I’m sorry that I have to write it down
but I feel 
it’s the only way my voice works 
the only way you'll listen 

But I’m not sorry 
bcs I know that 
Everything I love about myself is 
also something that you gave me
and I’m just so glad you gave me something
I can give to others