“healing”

He doesn’t like the word healing 
because it implies that 
something was ever broken 
and I wonder if he’s ever been broken 
but I’ll hear him out, 
feel it out 
and all the while I know he's right  
That it’s all part of the perfect process... 
That our judgments of good from bad are chosen
That it’s good not to grow into this shame, rejection 
instead he likes the word connecting 
Because, after all this time 
we learn ourselves 
& come back 
to source
The way we were from origin 

tomato tomato 
….

p.s. I love this poem and I’m conflicted by it. To start, for many of us, something was broken (literally created separation), and that brokenness is and was traumatic, which requires healing. Changing the language is not exactly reparative, and some might call it toxic positivity. Part of healing is acknowledging what’s broken, whether that was by our own hands or those of someone else—to recognize where we hold that residual tension in our bodies and eventually release it.

Secondly, the implication that whatever it took to “process” was “worth it” is fucked up. We know that much of this “process” is harmful and violent (genocidal; exploitative), and so stop doing these things immediately.

That said, there’s something about how “healing” culture could be getting lost in self-victimization, deepening cycles of violence. The term “connecting” is also true and beautiful.